My nipples are fighting

With each other

One hard, one soft

They refuse to listen

To your hands

Pleading with them

To get their act




Erica 2

Is it better to be a man in love with a woman or a woman in love with a man or a man in love with a woman who thinks she is a man or a man in love with a man or a woman in love with a man who thinks he is a woman or a woman in love with a woman?

It’s better to be a hermaphrodite and love yourself.

from ‘the wisdom of erika the earthworm’


Honk if you’re a three day old turd that’s hard on the outside but gooey inside.

Honk if you’re armpit hair produces murky white liquid, which small grey mites suck to quench thirst.

Honk if you’re mother thought you were so ugly, she breast fed you with a paper bag over your head.

Honk if you have toe jam, which you prefer eating on toasted brown bread.

Honk if your girl friend pays other people to sleep with her.

Honk if flies avoid you for fear of catching a contagious disease.

Honk when your nostril hair grows so long that it entwines with your ear-hair, creating a moustache of sorts.

Honk if dogs after bonking your leg, turn celibate and become Buddhist monks.

13th October

Happy Birthday. I remembered. I always do. You used to boast about it to the other miserable souls who forgot, while I would maniacally flash my, ‘I never forget’ grin. Once, I made my friends walk for an hour braving the bitter cold with a single torch, while we were camping in Leh, to get to a phone line. Happy birthday, I hollered over a connection that was wheezing with static. Where are you? In Leh, but don’t tell my parents. (I had told them I was in Simla, a white lie to soothe the black thoughts of overprotective parents). I won’t you promised and you didn’t. You always kept my secrets.

It feels unreal to think that today, I can’t call you, no matter how much I try. For those who have passed on, people wish them a rest in peace. I won’t do that, I know you’ll hate it and find peace incredibly boring. I wish you a rest that’s bursting with happiness, where your sparkling wit paints dazzling pictures again, where the colours you loved wrap around you like a rainbow quilt, where your deep kindness for random strangers, mind-numbing seven times removed relatives and inquisitive aunties spills over and where your love shines on for the people you loved the most – we – your family. Happy Birthday chechi.